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An Inuyasha fic.
Don't worry, it's just a parody series.
CHAPTER 1: THE SELF-INSERT FIC
Hogosha Kaching12 Michaela Victoria Vengeance Mitchell stood at the top of a tall tree, observing the beautiful, untainted landscape of fuedal - which is intentionally spelled wrong - Japan. Beautiful and untainted? Ha ha, just like me. I mean, Hogosha Kaching12.
She was a young girl, only about 16 or 17 - Kagome's age. Even though Kagome is 15. 16 and 17 are clearly the same as 15. Right. She had beautiful, naturally smooth skin, pale from too many hours hanging out inside watching television, and dotted with freckles. Her shiny brown, no, mahogany, no, auburn, no, burnt sienna locks flowed down her beautifully shapen back. On the opposite side of her body were her perky and well-formed *-cup breasts that she was rather proud of ["*" onward is a line taken from an actual fanfiction]. She laughed quietly to herself. Oh, was she gonna have fun today.
She jumped down from her tall tree, miraculously surviving despite a distinct lack of demon or super powers and skipped off towards Kaede's village to find her best pal Kagome and the crew. Because clearly Hogosha Kaching12 would also have the power to travel through the well. And would somehow have met Kagome and become good friends with her despite all of Kagome's traveling in the fuedal (still spelled wrong on purpose) era.
As Inuyasha and the gang were hanging out, trying to advance the canon plot [fyi, "canon" = loyal to official or original information - like, InuyashaXKagome pairing is canon, but InuyashaXJaken is non-canon, and Inuyasha collecting jewel shards is canon, but Inuyasha collecting Clow Cards is not], Hogosha Kaching12 came skipping up to them. "Hiiiiiiiiiii guuuuuuyyyyyysssssss!" she said obnoxiously.
"Konnichiwa!" Kagome said, inexplicably speaking Japanese in an English story.
"Oh, f***, it's her," Inuyasha said, clearly displeased.
"What's wrong, Inny? You aren't happy to see me?" Hogosha [hereby shortened to Hogo] asked, making puppy-dog eyes.
"Dammit, stop calling me that! What the hell kind of a nickname is that anyway?" Inuyasha said angrily. Like normal.
"Awwwwwwwww, Inny's mad at me!" Hogo said, playfully pouting.
"Inuyasha's always mad at everyone," Sango said.
"Tee hee hee hee," Hogo giggled obnoxiously. "Anyway guys, I brought a bunch of modern-day contraptions and activities for us to do, because you all clearly have nothing better to do!"
"What do you mean? We were just discussing what are next move for finding Naraku should be!" Inuyasha said angrily.
"Aww, Nana-chan's not going anywhere! You guys have to play a game with me, because I, as an anime-obsessed geek who spends all her time inside on the computer and watching TV, have never been able to make any real friends with which to play!" [author's note: I shamefully do call Naraku "Nana-chan" sometimes]
"Nana-chan?" Sango said, repulsed.
"Yes, Sango," Hogo was unable to come up with a good nickname for Sango, because "Songy" is just too lame, even for a self-insert character. "I call him Nana-chan."
"So what kind of games did you bring, yujo*?" [*friendship] Kagome asked, completely uncaring of her friends reactions to Hogo.
"Well, I brought my iPod, some cell phones which somehow work without a cell phone tower anywhere within a 500 year radius, Twister, Mouse Trap, Yu-Gi-Oh, some video games, a GBA, DS, and Wii which was pointless to bring without a television and electrical outlet, my laptop so we can watch hilarious 4th-wall* videos of you guys, a standard deck of playing cards, some poker chips, and some InuYasha manga," Hogo said, pulling all the above-mentioned items out of a bag I could have sworn she didn't have before. "I also brought some tampons for Sango," to which Sango blushed, even though I'm pretty sure that word hadn't been invented yet, or at least would be unknown to 15th century Japanese ladies. [*4th-wall, or "breaking the fourth wall", refers to any media that makes a reference or an implication that it's somewhat aware of what media it is - on TV shows, a character may make some comment like "it's almost like we're a sitcom!" followed by the laughtrack, or a character might speak directly to the audience/viewers/readers. Here, the "4th wall videos of you guys" would be DVDs or youtube videos of Inuyasha, which the cast would then be watching.] "I thought Miroku might enjoy playing Twister with us girls. Or we could play strip poker!" she finished. I mean, honestly, who wouldn't wanna play strip poker with Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, or Kagome? Add in the other characters, and you've got all the hot bases covered, right?
"What's... strip poker?" Inuyasha asked suspiciously, and rightfully so.
Hogo responded "It's a card game. We all make bets if we think we have the best hang, and whoever loses has take off their outfit, piece by piece, until they're totally naked," followed by a pelvic thrust, because she's already insa-a-a-a-a-ane.
Miroku perked up. "Naked? N..." He got a dreamy look on his face, obviously fantasizing.
"Oh, Miro-chan, you're such a pervert!" Hogo said, laughing.
Hm, this really hasn't been nearly wild and kooky enough yet. Zombie dance! [Insert OOC character song and dance number]
Now that that's over with, back to the story.
Slightly more sensible author: "What story?"
Narrator/Hogo: "Hey, you're the one writing it. Don't blame me for you getting off-track!"
Slightly less sensible than normal author: "Fine. Where was I?"
So the 5 of them - because you may have noticed that neither Shippo nor Kilala were mentioned in this chapter - were fully explained the rules of strip poker and dealt hands. Inuyasha was characteristically stupid and hasty, and bet all his chips on the first hand, in which he had absolutely nothing, so they made him take off both his shirt-things. Um, fyi, I have no idea if strip poker uses chips. It almost doesn't seem like it would need to, but I've never actually played, so... neither has Hogosha Kaching12!
A few hands later, Kagome lost the tie to her uniform, Sango lost the outer piece of fabric on her kimono, Miroku lost a few hidden pouches, while Hogo still had everything because the wild and kooky *coughandunderagecough* girl was an expert at poker, and Inuyasha was about to lose his hakama, when Sesshomaru showed up. Inexplicably. And alone?
"Little brother, why on earth are you disrobing yourself?" he said.
"Shut up!" Inuyasha intelligently responded.
Hogo lept up and ran to Sesshomaru, while saying excitedly "Oh my gosh it's my Sesshy oh he's come to carry me away to his castle* where we'll have excellent smex**!" She finally approached him and gave him a delicious, sexy, wild and kooky, 'come hither' look. [*what castle??? **smex = man-sex. Smexy = man-sexy. wtf?]
Sesshomaru, placid as ever (a/n: placid???), looked calmly down at the ever wild and kooky Hogo.
"Tee hee, oh, Sesshy, I love you and Mr. Fluffy!" Hogo said, leaping up to hug Sesshomaru... who for some reason didn't have his armor on. And gained his left arm back. Although I guess this could be post-chapter 518.
Anyway, she never made it. Because you do not touch Sesshomaru, no matter how wild and... scratch that, how much of a nutjob you are. You will not defile His Fluffiness by sending yourself into the fanfiction world, simply to make him do crazy things, like do musical numbers. Or even remotely relate to you. I mean, the version of you in the fanfic.
Sesshomaru used his poison claws to... er... poison Hogo as she leapt up. His claws went into her neck. And she fell. Her "friends" gathered around as she lay dying on the ground. Hey, that rhymes. "Way... harsh..." she gasped out.
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Kaching12 reviewed her work. "...Actually, that would probably happen to me." It's true. Although I'd probably try hugging Inuyasha first. I mean, Kaching12 would. <.< >.>
Don't worry, it's just a parody series.
CHAPTER 1: THE SELF-INSERT FIC
Hogosha Kaching12 Michaela Victoria Vengeance Mitchell stood at the top of a tall tree, observing the beautiful, untainted landscape of fuedal - which is intentionally spelled wrong - Japan. Beautiful and untainted? Ha ha, just like me. I mean, Hogosha Kaching12.
She was a young girl, only about 16 or 17 - Kagome's age. Even though Kagome is 15. 16 and 17 are clearly the same as 15. Right. She had beautiful, naturally smooth skin, pale from too many hours hanging out inside watching television, and dotted with freckles. Her shiny brown, no, mahogany, no, auburn, no, burnt sienna locks flowed down her beautifully shapen back. On the opposite side of her body were her perky and well-formed *-cup breasts that she was rather proud of ["*" onward is a line taken from an actual fanfiction]. She laughed quietly to herself. Oh, was she gonna have fun today.
She jumped down from her tall tree, miraculously surviving despite a distinct lack of demon or super powers and skipped off towards Kaede's village to find her best pal Kagome and the crew. Because clearly Hogosha Kaching12 would also have the power to travel through the well. And would somehow have met Kagome and become good friends with her despite all of Kagome's traveling in the fuedal (still spelled wrong on purpose) era.
As Inuyasha and the gang were hanging out, trying to advance the canon plot [fyi, "canon" = loyal to official or original information - like, InuyashaXKagome pairing is canon, but InuyashaXJaken is non-canon, and Inuyasha collecting jewel shards is canon, but Inuyasha collecting Clow Cards is not], Hogosha Kaching12 came skipping up to them. "Hiiiiiiiiiii guuuuuuyyyyyysssssss!" she said obnoxiously.
"Konnichiwa!" Kagome said, inexplicably speaking Japanese in an English story.
"Oh, f***, it's her," Inuyasha said, clearly displeased.
"What's wrong, Inny? You aren't happy to see me?" Hogosha [hereby shortened to Hogo] asked, making puppy-dog eyes.
"Dammit, stop calling me that! What the hell kind of a nickname is that anyway?" Inuyasha said angrily. Like normal.
"Awwwwwwwww, Inny's mad at me!" Hogo said, playfully pouting.
"Inuyasha's always mad at everyone," Sango said.
"Tee hee hee hee," Hogo giggled obnoxiously. "Anyway guys, I brought a bunch of modern-day contraptions and activities for us to do, because you all clearly have nothing better to do!"
"What do you mean? We were just discussing what are next move for finding Naraku should be!" Inuyasha said angrily.
"Aww, Nana-chan's not going anywhere! You guys have to play a game with me, because I, as an anime-obsessed geek who spends all her time inside on the computer and watching TV, have never been able to make any real friends with which to play!" [author's note: I shamefully do call Naraku "Nana-chan" sometimes]
"Nana-chan?" Sango said, repulsed.
"Yes, Sango," Hogo was unable to come up with a good nickname for Sango, because "Songy" is just too lame, even for a self-insert character. "I call him Nana-chan."
"So what kind of games did you bring, yujo*?" [*friendship] Kagome asked, completely uncaring of her friends reactions to Hogo.
"Well, I brought my iPod, some cell phones which somehow work without a cell phone tower anywhere within a 500 year radius, Twister, Mouse Trap, Yu-Gi-Oh, some video games, a GBA, DS, and Wii which was pointless to bring without a television and electrical outlet, my laptop so we can watch hilarious 4th-wall* videos of you guys, a standard deck of playing cards, some poker chips, and some InuYasha manga," Hogo said, pulling all the above-mentioned items out of a bag I could have sworn she didn't have before. "I also brought some tampons for Sango," to which Sango blushed, even though I'm pretty sure that word hadn't been invented yet, or at least would be unknown to 15th century Japanese ladies. [*4th-wall, or "breaking the fourth wall", refers to any media that makes a reference or an implication that it's somewhat aware of what media it is - on TV shows, a character may make some comment like "it's almost like we're a sitcom!" followed by the laughtrack, or a character might speak directly to the audience/viewers/readers. Here, the "4th wall videos of you guys" would be DVDs or youtube videos of Inuyasha, which the cast would then be watching.] "I thought Miroku might enjoy playing Twister with us girls. Or we could play strip poker!" she finished. I mean, honestly, who wouldn't wanna play strip poker with Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, or Kagome? Add in the other characters, and you've got all the hot bases covered, right?
"What's... strip poker?" Inuyasha asked suspiciously, and rightfully so.
Hogo responded "It's a card game. We all make bets if we think we have the best hang, and whoever loses has take off their outfit, piece by piece, until they're totally naked," followed by a pelvic thrust, because she's already insa-a-a-a-a-ane.
Miroku perked up. "Naked? N..." He got a dreamy look on his face, obviously fantasizing.
"Oh, Miro-chan, you're such a pervert!" Hogo said, laughing.
Hm, this really hasn't been nearly wild and kooky enough yet. Zombie dance! [Insert OOC character song and dance number]
Now that that's over with, back to the story.
Slightly more sensible author: "What story?"
Narrator/Hogo: "Hey, you're the one writing it. Don't blame me for you getting off-track!"
Slightly less sensible than normal author: "Fine. Where was I?"
So the 5 of them - because you may have noticed that neither Shippo nor Kilala were mentioned in this chapter - were fully explained the rules of strip poker and dealt hands. Inuyasha was characteristically stupid and hasty, and bet all his chips on the first hand, in which he had absolutely nothing, so they made him take off both his shirt-things. Um, fyi, I have no idea if strip poker uses chips. It almost doesn't seem like it would need to, but I've never actually played, so... neither has Hogosha Kaching12!
A few hands later, Kagome lost the tie to her uniform, Sango lost the outer piece of fabric on her kimono, Miroku lost a few hidden pouches, while Hogo still had everything because the wild and kooky *coughandunderagecough* girl was an expert at poker, and Inuyasha was about to lose his hakama, when Sesshomaru showed up. Inexplicably. And alone?
"Little brother, why on earth are you disrobing yourself?" he said.
"Shut up!" Inuyasha intelligently responded.
Hogo lept up and ran to Sesshomaru, while saying excitedly "Oh my gosh it's my Sesshy oh he's come to carry me away to his castle* where we'll have excellent smex**!" She finally approached him and gave him a delicious, sexy, wild and kooky, 'come hither' look. [*what castle??? **smex = man-sex. Smexy = man-sexy. wtf?]
Sesshomaru, placid as ever (a/n: placid???), looked calmly down at the ever wild and kooky Hogo.
"Tee hee, oh, Sesshy, I love you and Mr. Fluffy!" Hogo said, leaping up to hug Sesshomaru... who for some reason didn't have his armor on. And gained his left arm back. Although I guess this could be post-chapter 518.
Anyway, she never made it. Because you do not touch Sesshomaru, no matter how wild and... scratch that, how much of a nutjob you are. You will not defile His Fluffiness by sending yourself into the fanfiction world, simply to make him do crazy things, like do musical numbers. Or even remotely relate to you. I mean, the version of you in the fanfic.
Sesshomaru used his poison claws to... er... poison Hogo as she leapt up. His claws went into her neck. And she fell. Her "friends" gathered around as she lay dying on the ground. Hey, that rhymes. "Way... harsh..." she gasped out.
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Kaching12 reviewed her work. "...Actually, that would probably happen to me." It's true. Although I'd probably try hugging Inuyasha first. I mean, Kaching12 would. <.< >.>
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Edit 2.5 In honor of this being viewed so many times and my procrastinating on my homework, Chapter 2 and 3 are now up! The rest of the chapters'll probably be up weekly.
EDIT You can read the rest of this story and other fine works by me at my fanfiction account: [link]
Thankyoumuch!
Another Edit: Shortening the artist's comments!
As you may or may not know, there are some really bad fanfictions out there. I know there are good ones - I've read a few - but most of them seem to be crap. Perhaps they were just created for the author's enjoyment, and not written and published to entertain others. I'm also convinced that most fanfic writers out there are, like, 12. I can't even begin to describe some of the crap I've read. And it's not just Inuyasha fics that suck. They pretty much all do. Again, there are good fanfics out there, but they're usually pretty hard to find. And so many of them go unfinished. There's a really entertaining one featuring a curse, Sesshomaru, and a revived Inu-papa that has yet to receive its final chapter. Even after 2 years... And what about that sequel, huh? Grr... Um, anyway, the problem with some fanfictions is that they seem to written by 12 year olds, like I said before. Not that I have anything against pre-teens (although I do, actually), it's just that they lack the experience to write quality beyond what their 6th grade lit teacher would approve of. And I've noticed, the better fanfictions seem to be written by older people - there's a particularly good author I've discovered who's in her early to mid 20s. But another problem with fanfiction is that the authors don't seem to really know or understand the show/movie/book they're writing the fanfic for - like they've never seen or read what it's a fic for. I mean, honestly, with some of the Inuyasha fanfics I've read, it's like the people only heard about it and maybe saw an episode or two. Oh, I'm ranting again. I mean, Hogosha Kaching12 is ranting again. With her untainted beauty. lolercopter. Anyway, myself - and many of the good authors out there - feel that such fanfiction deserves a good ribbing - that is, they deserve to be made fun of. You see what I did there? I used a phrase so as not to use a blunt phrase like "make fun of". I wish others could do that as well.
Oh, and please note that I almost exclusively read Inuyasha fanfictions, and just a little of Ranma 1/2, so all of my knowledge and research into fanfictions will come from what I've read of Inuyasha. And all but a few of my Inuyasha fanfic research comes from the cesspool that is [link] BTW, most people seem to have trouble spelling "feudal" correctly. You'll usually see it as "fuedal", but I've seen someone very awesomely spell it as "fuederal" or something similar. Because there's clearly an "r" in that word. And it just kept getting spelled wrong. Congratulations.
So, you just read the self-insert parody. Well, technically, you probably just read the above author's comments. But whatever. In typical self-insert fics (which involve the author putting him or herself, or a character that is basically the author anyway, into the world of whatever they're writing about. In the fics I've read, the self-insert is typically friends with Kagome and very wild and kooky, dropping her (let's face it, there aren't many male fanfic writers out there) wildness and kookiness on the slightly OOC but basically normal cast. Usually, Self-Insert person is just normal, no magic miko or demon powers, but possibly with the power of using modern technology in the late 1400s... somehow. Come to think of it, self-insert fics are probably the least creative of all fanfictions. I mean, there's no character that the author spent time coming up with (the only new character is... the author? and possibly the author's real friends) and no real adventures taking place (they seem to mostly take place in or around Kaede's village or maybe in the modern world, doing wild and kooky things). I'm not fond of this kind of fic, so I'm afraid my background research into it is rather limited.
Chapter 2: [link]
EDIT You can read the rest of this story and other fine works by me at my fanfiction account: [link]
Thankyoumuch!Another Edit: Shortening the artist's comments!
As you may or may not know, there are some really bad fanfictions out there. I know there are good ones - I've read a few - but most of them seem to be crap. Perhaps they were just created for the author's enjoyment, and not written and published to entertain others. I'm also convinced that most fanfic writers out there are, like, 12. I can't even begin to describe some of the crap I've read. And it's not just Inuyasha fics that suck. They pretty much all do. Again, there are good fanfics out there, but they're usually pretty hard to find. And so many of them go unfinished. There's a really entertaining one featuring a curse, Sesshomaru, and a revived Inu-papa that has yet to receive its final chapter. Even after 2 years... And what about that sequel, huh? Grr... Um, anyway, the problem with some fanfictions is that they seem to written by 12 year olds, like I said before. Not that I have anything against pre-teens (although I do, actually), it's just that they lack the experience to write quality beyond what their 6th grade lit teacher would approve of. And I've noticed, the better fanfictions seem to be written by older people - there's a particularly good author I've discovered who's in her early to mid 20s.
But another problem with fanfiction is that the authors don't seem to really know or understand the show/movie/book they're writing the fanfic for - like they've never seen or read what it's a fic for. I mean, honestly, with some of the Inuyasha fanfics I've read, it's like the people only heard about it and maybe saw an episode or two. Oh, I'm ranting again. I mean, Hogosha Kaching12 is ranting again. With her untainted beauty. lolercopter. Anyway, myself - and many of the good authors out there - feel that such fanfiction deserves a good ribbing - that is, they deserve to be made fun of. You see what I did there? I used a phrase so as not to use a blunt phrase like "make fun of". I wish others could do that as well. Oh, and please note that I almost exclusively read Inuyasha fanfictions, and just a little of Ranma 1/2, so all of my knowledge and research into fanfictions will come from what I've read of Inuyasha. And all but a few of my Inuyasha fanfic research comes from the cesspool that is [link] BTW, most people seem to have trouble spelling "feudal" correctly. You'll usually see it as "fuedal", but I've seen someone very awesomely spell it as "fuederal" or something similar. Because there's clearly an "r" in that word. And it just kept getting spelled wrong. Congratulations.
So, you just read the self-insert parody. Well, technically, you probably just read the above author's comments. But whatever. In typical self-insert fics (which involve the author putting him or herself, or a character that is basically the author anyway, into the world of whatever they're writing about. In the fics I've read, the self-insert is typically friends with Kagome and very wild and kooky, dropping her (let's face it, there aren't many male fanfic writers out there) wildness and kookiness on the slightly OOC but basically normal cast. Usually, Self-Insert person is just normal, no magic miko or demon powers, but possibly with the power of using modern technology in the late 1400s... somehow. Come to think of it, self-insert fics are probably the least creative of all fanfictions. I mean, there's no character that the author spent time coming up with (the only new character is... the author? and possibly the author's real friends) and no real adventures taking place (they seem to mostly take place in or around Kaede's village or maybe in the modern world, doing wild and kooky things). I'm not fond of this kind of fic, so I'm afraid my background research into it is rather limited.
Chapter 2: [link]
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i almost laughed SO loud but its 4:26 am and my parents are sleeping